Life After Divorce: How Divorce Completely Transformed My Life

Seven years ago, I was in complete turmoil. I was broken, a mess, and felt like my whole world had collapsed.

I was in Ibiza with my daughter when my ex finally confessed to what I had always suspected. I realised I had been gaslighted, told I was paranoid, neurotic, and even crazy. I thought I was going mad. But that confession confirmed what I always knew deep down: I wasn’t mad after all. I wasn’t imagining things.

As shattered as I was, I had no choice but to step into warrior mode, for my kids and for my own sanity.

My Divorce Recovery Journey and Learning To Only Look Forward

From that moment, I made a decision. I would stop looking back. Looking back only made me miss my old life, a life that no longer existed. There was no going back. The only direction was forward.

I went into overdrive. I spoke to a divorce lawyer. I blocked all communication from my ex, no emails, no phone calls, no fake Instagram accounts trying to spy on me. On the outside, I was a stone wall. But inside, I was shattered.

I knew that if I let myself dwell on the past, it would only confuse and break me further. So I forced myself to keep looking ahead. The man I married had left the building long before, and I wasn’t going to risk another day of my future with someone who could lie to me, deceive me, and hurt me the way he had.

I had warned him, over and over again. And then one day, I snapped: no more.

Choosing Myself for the First Time

I had a choice. I could cling onto the old life and keep questioning everything, or I could walk straight through the pain and come out the other side with my dignity, and rebuild myself.

So I chose me.

I joined a new gym and got a personal trainer (although turning up hungover didn’t help much). I signed up for a boxing class that let me throw my anger into the punch bag. I joined spinning classes, started therapy, and booked luxury holidays.

I shopped at Selfridges and spent thousands of pounds on things I would never have allowed myself when I was married. And you know what? It felt bloody good.

What I didn’t realise at the time was that while I was doing all these things for me, working out, travelling, spending, laughing and having the best fun meeting new people and forming new friendships. I was actually carving out a new life.

Rebuilding My Life After Divorce Through Travel and Self-Care

It wasn’t just about him. I realised I was partly to blame too, because I had forgotten about me. I had poured so much into the marriage and family that I lost myself completely.

Divorce was the painful slap in the face that forced me to wake up. To remember who I was. To start living again.

Since then, my whole life has changed. I’ve never stopped travelling. My business collapsed during the pandemic, but after divorce, nothing felt as terrifying anymore. I kept moving, kept looking after myself, kept building.

I moved out of Soho. I remarried. I made exercise a cornerstone of my life. And now, I live in Thailand, where I host retreats for women and men going through divorce, grief, and major life changes.

Divorce didn’t end me. Divorce rebuilt me.

My Advice If You’re Going Through Divorce

If you’re facing divorce or a painful breakup, here’s what I’ve learned: doing it completely alone makes the struggle so much harder.

Don’t forget yourself. Do all the things you felt you couldn’t do when you were married. Join the gym. Find a boxing or spinning class or a class that fits you. Travel. Take up hobbies that are just for you. Use this time to remember who you are.

And most importantly, keep looking forward. The life you had is gone. What’s ahead is waiting for you. By looking back it only holds you back.

If you’re ready for new friendships, new adventures, and sunshine, come join me on one of my divorce and grief retreats. Whether in Morocco or Thailand, my retreats are a safe space to heal, rebuild, and rediscover yourself. www.mendingheartsretreat.com

Because if divorce taught me anything, it’s this: the end is only the beginning. Life after divorce can be fun, and I can now smile, travel, feel loved again, and love again. Because love without the trauma is a beautiful emotion. But it won’t come to you if you stay at home; you have to go out and find it.

I finally got to my dream destination the Maldives