How to Heal a Broken Heart
Why the right support, new experiences and a change of environment can make all the difference when you're recovering from divorce, heartbreak or loss.
How do you heal a broken heart when the life you thought you were going to have suddenly disappears? Whether you've been through a divorce, the breakdown of a long-term relationship or the death of someone you love, heartbreak can leave you feeling completely lost, and sometimes the hardest part isn't accepting what's happened, it's trying to work out how you're supposed to move forward when everything around you has changed.
I know this feeling because I've experienced it myself. When I separated from my husband and eventually divorced at 50, I wasn't just dealing with the end of my marriage. I was facing the prospect of rebuilding my life at an age when I thought I should have had everything figured out. There were so many emotions to navigate, from sadness and anger to fear, guilt and uncertainty about the future. When you've spent years building a life with someone, you don't simply wake up one morning, decide it's over and carry on as though nothing has happened.
Today, I'm remarried, living in Thailand and running Mending Hearts Retreat, helping others navigate divorce, grief, heartbreak and some of life's most difficult transitions. But getting here took time, and it certainly wasn't always easy. Looking back, one of the most important things I learnt was that healing doesn't happen simply because time passes. You have to give yourself the opportunity to recover, and sometimes that means doing things differently, finding the right support and allowing yourself to experience life beyond the circumstances that have caused you so much pain.
After more than six years of hosting 14 divorce and grief retreats, I've seen how much difference it can make when people stop trying to manage everything alone and give themselves some proper time and attention.
Why Does a Broken Heart Hurt So Much?
When we talk about heartbreak, we tend to focus on the emotional pain, but anyone who's experienced significant loss will know that it can affect almost every aspect of your life. You might struggle to sleep, lose your appetite, find it difficult to concentrate or feel completely exhausted despite doing very little. Grief and prolonged emotional stress can have a physical impact on the body, which is why looking after your health is such an important part of the recovery process.
There's also the loss of identity that often comes with the end of a long relationship. When you've spent 20 or 30 years as someone's husband or wife, you've probably made countless decisions together, shared responsibilities and built your routines around one another. Suddenly having to make those decisions alone can feel overwhelming, particularly if your confidence has already taken a knock.
For those grieving the death of a partner, the experience can be equally devastating, although the circumstances are very different. You're not necessarily trying to move on from a relationship that didn't work; you're trying to understand how to continue living without someone you still love. The loneliness can be enormous, especially when friends and family gradually return to their normal routines while you're still adjusting to a completely different life.
What makes heartbreak particularly difficult is that everyone seems to have an opinion about how you should deal with it. Some people will tell you to get back out there, others will suggest that you need more time alone, and eventually you might start wondering why you're not feeling better when everyone around you appears to think you should be.
But grief doesn't work to anyone else's timetable, and comparing your recovery with someone else's is rarely helpful. What matters is recognising how you're feeling, understanding what you need and finding ways to support yourself through the process.
How to Heal a Broken Heart and Start Moving Forward
One of the biggest obstacles to healing after divorce or a relationship breakdown is the amount of time we can spend looking backwards. We replay conversations, question decisions and search for explanations, sometimes convincing ourselves that if we could just understand why everything happened, we'd finally be able to move forward.
I've spoken to so many people who are still waiting for closure from someone who hurt them as much as ten years earlier. They want an apology, an explanation or simply an acknowledgement of what they've been through, and while those feelings are completely understandable, there's a danger in allowing your future happiness to depend on another person's willingness to give you the answers you're looking for.
At some point, you have to ask yourself how much more of your life you're prepared to spend waiting. You cannot change what someone else has done, and you may never fully understand their decisions, but you can start making choices about what happens next. Accepting that the past cannot be changed doesn't mean pretending it didn't hurt or excusing someone's behaviour. It means recognising that you deserve a future that isn't constantly being controlled by it.
Another mistake people make after heartbreak is putting their lives on hold until they feel confident enough to start doing things again. They stop travelling, turn down invitations and avoid new experiences because they're worried about going somewhere alone or meeting people they don't know. Before long, staying at home becomes the easier option, even when they're desperately unhappy with how their lives are going.
I understand why this happens, particularly for people who haven't travelled independently for years or have always relied on a partner to organise holidays and social arrangements. But confidence rarely returns while you're sitting at home waiting for it. It develops when you begin challenging yourself, even in small ways, and discover that you're capable of doing things you might once have found frightening.
You don't have to make dramatic changes or completely reinvent yourself to start feeling better. Sometimes it begins with arranging to meet an old friend, booking a weekend away, joining a new activity or simply saying yes to something you would normally have avoided. The important thing is to stop believing that you need to feel completely healed before you're allowed to start enjoying life again.
Why Trying to Heal Alone Can Make Heartbreak More Difficult
There's a big difference between enjoying your own company and feeling isolated during one of the most difficult periods of your life. After a divorce or bereavement, it's common to withdraw from social situations, particularly when you're surrounded by couples or people whose lives appear to be carrying on exactly as before. You might find yourself avoiding conversations because you don't want to explain what's happened, or perhaps you're simply tired of hearing everyone's well-meaning advice.
Friends and family can offer wonderful support, but they also have their own lives and responsibilities, and sometimes they don't fully understand what you're experiencing. Even when they mean well, comments such as 'you need to move on' or 'everything happens for a reason' can leave you feeling even more alone.
I've noticed that many people eventually stop talking about their grief because they're worried about becoming a burden. They put on a brave face, tell everyone they're doing fine and carry on with their daily responsibilities, while underneath they're still struggling with the same emotions.
This is one of the reasons I believe so strongly in the importance of connecting with others who have experienced similar life changes. There's something incredibly reassuring about sitting with someone who understands what you're going through without needing a long explanation. You can talk openly about your fears, frustrations and loneliness without worrying that you're being judged or that someone is going to tell you what you should be feeling.
And sometimes hearing another person's experience helps you understand your own. You realise that the emotions you've been struggling with aren't unusual, that other people have felt exactly the same way and, perhaps most importantly, that many of them have found ways to rebuild their lives.
That sense of connection can be incredibly powerful, particularly when you've spent months or even years feeling that nobody really understands.
Can a Healing Retreat Help You Recover from Heartbreak Faster?
This is something I feel particularly passionate about because I've seen the difference that a well-structured healing retreat can make to people who have been struggling to move forward.
I wouldn't suggest that anyone can heal a broken heart in seven days, and I certainly wouldn't trust a retreat that promises to make years of grief disappear in a week. Healing is a personal process, and everyone arrives with different experiences, circumstances and emotional needs. However, I do believe that having concentrated professional support, time away from everyday pressures and the opportunity to connect with others can help people make progress that might otherwise be much harder to achieve on their own.
Think about how much time you actually dedicate to your emotional wellbeing during a normal week. Between work, family responsibilities, household commitments and everything else that needs your attention, it's easy to push your own needs to the bottom of the list. You might have an occasional therapy appointment or make plans to do something for yourself, but then life gets in the way and another week passes without much changing.
Now imagine spending an entire week somewhere beautiful, where your meals are prepared, your accommodation is taken care of and your days are designed around supporting your emotional and physical wellbeing. Instead of trying to squeeze your recovery into the gaps between everything else, you have the opportunity to make yourself the priority.
This was one of the main reasons I created Mending Hearts Retreat in 2020. I wanted to bring together professional therapy, beautiful surroundings, new experiences and the opportunity to form genuine friendships, because I believe that recovering from heartbreak involves much more than talking about what went wrong.
At our luxury divorce and grief retreats in Marrakech and Koh Samui, Thailand, we combine daily group therapy with yoga, meditation, relaxation and carefully planned cultural experiences. Guests have their own private accommodation, time to themselves whenever they need it and the reassurance of knowing that they're surrounded by people who understand why they're there.
The change of environment is important too. When you're at home, you're often surrounded by reminders of your previous life, and it's very easy to fall back into the same routines and thought patterns. Travelling somewhere new gives you the opportunity to step away from those daily reminders, gain some perspective and experience things that have nothing to do with the relationship or loss you're grieving.
Of course, a retreat isn't a substitute for ongoing therapy or medical support when those are needed, and there's no guarantee that attending one will shorten the grieving process. But for someone who feels stuck, isolated or unsure how to begin rebuilding their confidence, having that dedicated time and support can provide a valuable starting point.
The Importance of Therapy, Friendship and Shared Experiences
Professional therapy is at the heart of what we do at Mending Hearts, because I believe people deserve more than motivational conversations and promises that everything will eventually work out. Our group therapy sessions are led by a qualified psychotherapist, giving guests the opportunity to explore their emotions, understand their reactions and begin working through some of the issues that may be preventing them from moving forward.
But what makes the retreat experience particularly special is what happens outside those sessions.
I've watched women arrive feeling nervous, uncertain and completely out of their comfort zones, particularly those who haven't travelled alone since their marriage ended. Some are worried they won't fit in, others are anxious about sharing their experiences, and a few are simply wondering whether they've made the right decision by coming.
Then gradually, as everyone begins to relax, the conversations start flowing. Someone shares an experience over breakfast that another guest immediately relates to, friendships begin to develop and people start encouraging one another to try things they might never have considered doing alone.
At our recent Marrakech retreat, six women arrived with different stories, experiences and reasons for joining us. Throughout the week, they took part in group therapy, yoga, meditation, sound healing and a wonderful excursion into the desert. They also enjoyed meals together, shared stories and laughed, sometimes until they were crying.
By the end of the week, they weren't simply exchanging contact details out of politeness. They were making plans to see one another again, and some were already talking about future retreats and adventures together.
This is something I've witnessed repeatedly over the years, and it's one of the most rewarding parts of running Mending Hearts. I've had guests return for several retreats, including one woman who has attended four, and watching how her confidence and independence have developed has been wonderful.
It's not that everyone needs to attend multiple retreats to recover from heartbreak. It's that once people start enjoying new experiences and building friendships, they often want to continue that journey.
Through our Mending Hearts community, guests can stay in touch, arrange meet-ups and continue supporting one another long after they've returned home. For someone who has been feeling lonely or disconnected, those friendships can become an important part of their new life.
Healing Doesn't Mean You Have to Stop Enjoying Yourself
One thing I've always felt strongly about is that grief and enjoyment shouldn't be treated as though they cannot exist together. There's almost an expectation that when you're going through heartbreak, particularly after bereavement, you should spend your time being sad, and if you start laughing or enjoying yourself too soon, somehow you're not taking your loss seriously enough.
But why should that be the case?
If you've lost someone you love, enjoying a wonderful meal or spending an afternoon laughing with friends doesn't mean you've forgotten them. And if you've been through a painful divorce, you don't need to spend the next five years punishing yourself for a relationship that didn't work out.
You're allowed to have fun while you're healing, and sometimes those moments of enjoyment are exactly what you need to remind yourself that life still has something to offer.
This is why our retreats include cultural excursions, beautiful meals, yoga, meditation and opportunities to experience the destinations we're visiting. In Marrakech, our guests might spend a morning discussing difficult emotions during therapy and an afternoon exploring the desert together. In Thailand, they can enjoy tropical surroundings, peaceful beaches and experiences that encourage them to reconnect with themselves and the world around them.
I've seen people arrive believing they've forgotten how to enjoy themselves, only to discover that they can still laugh, make friends and look forward to new experiences. It's not about ignoring their grief or pretending everything is wonderful. It's about understanding that life can still contain moments of happiness, even when you're going through something incredibly painful.
And sometimes that realisation is an important part of rebuilding your confidence.
How Long Does It Take to Heal a Broken Heart?
I wish there were a simple answer to this question, because I know how desperately people want to understand when they're going to start feeling better. Unfortunately, there isn't a timetable for recovering from divorce, heartbreak or bereavement, and the length of time it takes will depend on your circumstances, the support you have around you and how you're coping emotionally.
Some people begin feeling more settled after a few months, while others continue experiencing periods of sadness or anxiety for years, particularly after a long marriage or the death of a partner. Recovery also isn't always straightforward. You can have several wonderful weeks and then suddenly hear a song, visit somewhere familiar or experience something that brings difficult memories flooding back.
That doesn't mean you've gone backwards or that all your progress has disappeared. Grief can change over time, and learning how to manage those emotions is often more realistic than expecting them to disappear completely.
What I encourage people to think about is whether they're gradually beginning to feel more confident, more connected and more willing to enjoy life again. Are they making plans? Are they finding things to look forward to? Are they beginning to recognise that their future can still be fulfilling, even if it looks different from the one they'd originally imagined?
These are the changes that matter, and they're often the ones I notice most when guests return to our retreats or tell me what they've been doing since we last saw one another.
Your Broken Heart Doesn't Have to Define the Rest of Your Life
When I look back at my own divorce, I can see how much my life has changed since then. I've remarried, moved to Thailand, created a business I feel passionate about and challenged myself to do things I might never have considered when I was younger. I've learnt to ski, taken up diving, travelled to new places and discovered that starting again in your 50s doesn't have to mean settling for a smaller life.
But I don't believe everyone needs to completely reinvent themselves to recover from heartbreak. Not everyone wants to move abroad, find another partner or make dramatic changes, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
For some people, rebuilding their life might mean feeling confident enough to travel independently for the first time. For others, it might mean finding new friendships, returning to a hobby they've neglected or simply learning to enjoy their own company again.
What matters is that you begin making decisions based on what you want from your future rather than allowing the pain of your past to make those decisions for you.
I created Mending Hearts because I know how difficult these transitions can be, but I also know how much life there can be on the other side. Over the years, I've watched people arrive at our retreats feeling unsure about themselves and leave with new friendships, greater confidence and plans they're genuinely excited about.
We can't promise to mend a broken heart in a week, and I wouldn't want to. What we can offer is professional support, a welcoming environment, the opportunity to connect with others and the time to concentrate on yourself without all the usual distractions of everyday life.
If you've been trying to manage your grief alone, perhaps it's worth asking yourself whether there's another way. You don't have to wait until you feel completely better before doing something positive for yourself, and you certainly don't have to have your whole future worked out before you take that first step.
Sometimes the decision to do something different is the beginning of a much bigger change.
Discover Mending Hearts Retreat
If you're struggling with divorce, heartbreak, grief or loss and feel ready to give yourself some time and support, our luxury Mending Hearts Retreats in Marrakech and Koh Samui, Thailand, offer a combination of professional group therapy, yoga, meditation, beautiful surroundings and meaningful shared experiences.
Our retreats provide a safe, supportive and non-judgemental environment where you can talk openly about your pain and grief, surrounded by people who understand what you're going through. Alongside professional therapy, we create opportunities to rebuild your confidence, form meaningful friendships and begin looking forward to life again. You'll have your own private room, time to relax, opportunities to explore and the chance to meet people who understand what you're going through.
Most importantly, you'll be giving yourself permission to concentrate on your own wellbeing and begin thinking about what you want from the next chapter of your life.
You may not have chosen how this chapter ended, but you still have a say in how the next one begins and if you don't want to do it on your own then come and share your journey with us.
Gilly, Founder of Mending Hearts Retreat
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