Best Divorce Retreats for Women: What to Look For Before You Book

If you've found yourself Googling “best divorce retreats for women”, chances are you've reached the point where you know you need something more than another weekend away, another self-help book or another conversation with friends who love you but don't necessarily understand what you're going through.

I know that feeling because I've been there myself. My marriage ended when I was 48 and, although I knew walking away was the right decision for me, that didn't mean I simply walked off into my new life without having to deal with everything that came with it. Divorce changes far more than your relationship status. It can change your family, your friendships, your finances, your confidence, your plans for the future and, for a while, even how you see yourself.

Years later, having rebuilt my own life and now having hosted retreat after retreat for women dealing with divorce, heartbreak and bereavement, I've learnt a lot about what makes a good retreat. I've also learnt that they are definitely not all the same, so if you're thinking about booking one, there are a few things I would look at before deciding where to go.

Make sure you're booking a divorce retreat and not simply a wellness holiday.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with a wellness retreat. I love yoga, meditation, massages and beautiful hotels as much as anyone, and we include many of those things on our own retreats. But if you're struggling emotionally after a divorce, separation or significant loss, you need to look beyond the photographs of the swimming pool and find out what support is actually being offered.

For me, one of the most important things to check is who is running the therapeutic side of the retreat and whether they are qualified, and also the age of the therapist. A divorced woman in her 60s might not feel comfortable with someone who is 30 years younger. Divorce can bring up betrayal, anger, rejection, guilt, fear, resentment and grief, sometimes years after the marriage has ended. If you're going somewhere specifically to work through those feelings, you want to know that the person sitting in that therapy room with you has the qualifications and experience to support you properly.

At Mending Hearts, our group therapy is led by a qualified counsellor because I don't believe this is an area where you cut corners. I can share my own experience of divorce and rebuilding my life, and there is enormous value in women sharing their experiences with one another, but lived experience and professional therapy are two different things. A good divorce recovery retreat should understand the importance of both.

You should be able to talk about your ex as much as you need to.

One of the greatest benefits of a divorce retreat is having the opportunity to tell your story to people who actually understand why you need to tell it.

We absolutely do talk about ex-husbands and former partners on our retreats. We talk about what happened, what was said, what hurt, what went wrong and sometimes what people still can't understand years later. Sharing those stories is part of the process, particularly when you've spent months or years keeping everything inside because you don't want to burden your children or you feel your friends and family have heard enough.

There is also something very powerful about hearing somebody else's story and recognising yourself in it. Someone will say something in a group therapy session, and another woman will immediately understand because she's lived through something incredibly similar. You realise that some of the thoughts you've been having aren't strange at all and that you're not the only person who has struggled with them.

The difference is that these conversations are happening in a professionally supported environment where a qualified counsellor can help you understand and process what is coming up. The aim isn't to tell you to stop talking about your past. Sometimes you need to talk about it properly before you can begin deciding what you want your future to look like.

There should be enough going on during the day.

I wouldn't choose a retreat where you have a two-hour therapy session in the morning and are then left wondering what you're supposed to do with yourself for the rest of the day.

Therapy can be intense, and you need time to process it, but I also think there should be a balance. On our retreats we have group therapy, yoga, meditation and visualisation, but there is also time to relax, enjoy the surroundings, eat together, go on excursions and have a laugh. You're there to heal, but you're also there to remember that life can still be enjoyable.

This is particularly important with grief. Whether you're grieving the end of a marriage or the death of somebody you love, it can become very easy for that loss to take over every part of your life. Having structure to your day means you can have the difficult conversations and then gradually come back into the rest of the day rather than being left alone with everything that has just surfaced.

For me, the best divorce retreats give you enough therapeutic support to do meaningful work while also creating an environment where you can start experiencing life again.

Transport should be included.

This is something I think gets overlooked when people compare retreats, but it's incredibly important.

A surprising number of women who come to our retreats are travelling alone for the first time. They may have spent 20, 30 or 40 years travelling with their husband or partner, and suddenly they're having to get on an aeroplane by themselves, arrive in a country they may never have visited before and somehow work out how to get from the airport to a retreat full of people they've never met.

That is already a huge step.

The last thing I want one of my guests worrying about is finding a taxi, negotiating a price, wondering whether she's going in the right direction or trying to find a villa in the middle of somewhere she's never been before.

That's why our airport transfers are included. We know when our guests are arriving and transport is organised for them. From the moment they arrive, I want them to feel that somebody is expecting them and looking after them.

When you're comparing the price of a luxury divorce retreat, look carefully at what is actually included. Transfers, meals, activities, excursions and therapeutic sessions can soon add up if they're charged separately. A retreat that initially looks cheaper isn't necessarily better value once you've worked out everything you'll have to organise and pay for yourself. It's a bit like going to the Maldives on full board and then wishing you'd gone all-inclusive once you get there. Suddenly you're paying for drinks, transfers, activities and all the little extras, and before you know it the cheaper option wasn't cheaper at all.

Look at the group size.

For me, smaller groups work better for this kind of retreat because people need to feel comfortable enough to speak openly. It takes courage to walk into a room of strangers and start talking about some of the most personal parts of your life, and that becomes much easier when the group has had the chance to get to know one another.

It also means everybody has the opportunity to speak. Nobody should feel they have to share something they're not ready to talk about, but equally nobody should feel they're just another face at the back of a huge room.

The friendships that come from these groups are one of the things I love most about Mending Hearts. I've watched women arrive feeling nervous about meeting everybody and leave with friendships that continue long after the retreat has finished. Some meet up afterwards, some travel together and some return to future retreats together. You can't force that connection, but you can create the right environment for it to happen.

The best divorce retreats can also be incredibly valuable for grief.

Mending Hearts isn't only for women going through divorce. We also support women who are grieving the death of somebody they love, and over the years I've seen how much common ground there can be between those experiences without pretending that they are the same.

Divorce is a form of grief. You can be grieving the person you thought you knew, your marriage, your family unit, your home and the future you thought you were going to have. Bereavement is different because somebody you love has died, but it can leave you facing some of the same questions about identity, loneliness and how you're supposed to build a life that now looks completely different from the one you expected.

Women who have lost a husband can also find themselves facing many of the same practical firsts as divorced women. Travelling alone for the first time can be one of them. Eating alone, making decisions alone and working out who you are outside of being part of a couple can feel enormous.

That is why our divorce and grief retreats for women work so well together. The stories may be different, but there is a level of understanding in the room that is difficult to find in everyday life. Nobody has to apologise for talking about the person they've lost and nobody has to worry that everyone is thinking they should have moved on by now.

Your own room matters

This might sound like a luxury, but I think privacy is incredibly important on a therapeutic retreat. At Mending Hearts every guest has her own bedroom and private bathroom because, after spending time in group therapy and being around other people during the day, sometimes you simply need to close your door and be by yourself.

I wouldn't expect somebody to spend the day talking about deeply personal experiences and then share a bedroom with somebody they've only just met. Having your own space gives you somewhere to process what has come up, have a shower, read, sleep or simply have an hour when nobody needs anything from you.

When comparing retreat prices, check this carefully because some retreats advertise a headline price based on shared accommodation. If having your own room matters to you, find out exactly what you're getting before you book.

Location matters, particularly if you're travelling alone.

I've deliberately chosen beautiful destinations such as Marrakech and Thailand for Mending Hearts because getting away from your normal surroundings can be incredibly powerful. You're stepping away from the house, the routines and the constant reminders of what has happened and giving yourself some physical and emotional space.

But there's another side to it that I've seen happen again and again. A woman arrives nervous because she's never travelled alone before, and a week later, she's realised she can do it. She got on the plane. She arrived. She met a group of strangers. She travelled around a new country. She enjoyed herself.

That may sound like a small thing to somebody who travels alone all the time, but for someone who has spent decades travelling as part of a couple, it can be huge. Sometimes the retreat is the beginning of discovering that there is a much bigger world waiting for you than you realised.

Look at what happens after the retreat

I also think it's worth asking what happens when you go home because the retreat itself is only part of the process. You can feel incredibly supported while you're away, but eventually you have to return to normal life, and that's often when you begin putting into practice everything you've been talking about.

Our guests stay connected after Mending Hearts. They message each other, meet up and continue supporting one another, and I've seen friendships develop that have lasted for years. For me, that's one of the most important parts of what we've created.

I've always said the retreat isn't just about the week itself. It's about the seeds that are planted while you're there and what happens afterwards.

So what should you look for in the best divorce retreat for women?

If I were choosing a retreat today, I would look beyond the beautiful photographs and ask some very practical questions. Are the counsellors qualified? How much therapy is included? Is the group small enough for me to feel supported? Is there enough structure and enough going on during the day? Will I have my own room and bathroom? Are meals and activities included? Will somebody collect me from the airport? What support is there if I'm nervous about travelling alone, and what happens once the retreat is over?

Those things tell you far more about the quality of a retreat than whether the hotel has a fabulous infinity pool.

A good divorce or grief retreat shouldn't promise to magically change your life in a week. What it can do is give you the professional support, space, confidence and connection to start making changes for yourself.

That's what I've watched happen at Mending Hearts. I've seen women arrive after divorce wondering what on earth they're going to do with the rest of their lives, and I've seen women arrive carrying enormous grief after losing somebody they love. Some haven't travelled alone before, some have lost their confidence, and some simply know they can't carry on feeling the way they've been feeling.

They don't need to arrive knowing what comes next.

Sometimes getting on that plane and walking through the door is the first step.

Mending Hearts Divorce & Grief Retreats for Women

Mending Hearts hosts luxury divorce retreats and grief retreats for women in beautiful destinations, including Marrakech and Thailand. Our retreats combine professionally led group therapy with individual support, small groups, private accommodation, airport transfers, meals, yoga, meditation, excursions and time to relax and enjoy the destination.

Whether you're trying to rebuild after divorce, recover from heartbreak or find your way forward after the death of somebody you love, the purpose isn't to tell you to forget what happened or stop talking about the person you've lost.

It's to give you somewhere safe to talk about it, understand it and work out what comes next.

Find Out More About Mending Hearts Retreats

If you're considering a divorce or grief retreat and would like to understand a little more about how Mending Hearts works, take a look around my website. You can read about our upcoming retreats and what we include, meet the people who will be supporting you and hear from women who have already been through the experience.

And if you're still unsure whether a retreat is right for you, you're always welcome to get in touch and have a chat with me first.

Visit Mending Hearts Retreats to find out more. www.mendingheartsretreat.com