I Want to Travel Alone, But I’m Scared. Where Do I Start?

How Do You Build the Confidence to Travel Alone?

You want to travel alone. You keep seeing places you’d love to visit, saving hotels, watching other women heading off on amazing trips and thinking how much you’d love to do the same, but there’s one thing stopping you: you don’t have anyone to go with.

That doesn’t mean you don’t have friends. One of the things I’ve realised as I’ve got older is just how difficult it can be to pin your friends down to actually go anywhere. Everyone has their own lives, families and commitments. Some are still working, some have partners they travel with, some are helping with grandchildren or elderly parents, and even when someone enthusiastically says, “Yes, I’d love to do that,” actually finding dates that work for both of you can be almost impossible. Before you know it, another six months or another year has gone by and you’re still talking about the trip you were going to take.

This can become even more noticeable after divorce or separation because for years you may have had someone you automatically travelled with. You didn’t have to find a travelling companion because you already had one. When that changes, it can suddenly feel as though seeing the world requires a completely different kind of confidence.

So perhaps you start thinking about travelling alone. It sounds wonderfully liberating when you see other women doing it, but it can feel very different when you're the one sitting at home with your finger hovering over the “book flight” button. Suddenly you're thinking about arriving at the airport alone, getting into a taxi in a country you don't know, checking into a hotel by yourself, and, possibly the biggest fear of all, wondering what on earth you're going to do every evening when everyone else seems to be sitting at dinner with somebody.

I understand that feeling because after my divorce I started doing far more independently and pushing myself into situations I wouldn't necessarily have considered before. Since divorcing at 50, I've travelled more, learnt to ski, learnt to scuba dive and eventually moved my life to Thailand. I didn't do any of those things because I suddenly became fearless. I've been nervous plenty of times. What I've learnt is that confidence usually comes after you've done the thing that frightens you, not while you're sitting at home waiting to feel ready.

Is It Normal to Be Scared of Travelling Alone?

Of course it is, particularly if you've spent years travelling as part of a couple or family. Often it isn't the flight or even the destination that's frightening; it's all the unknowns surrounding the experience. Will I feel safe? Will I feel awkward eating alone? What happens if I get lost? Will everyone else be in couples? What if I feel lonely? What if I spend all this money, get there and wish I'd never come?

If you're travelling alone after divorce, there can be another emotional layer to it because that first trip can become a reminder that your life has changed. Something that used to feel completely normal now feels unfamiliar, and that can knock your confidence.

Being nervous about your first solo trip doesn't mean you're incapable of doing it. It simply means you're doing something you haven't done before, and I think we sometimes confuse unfamiliarity with inability.

What If I Want to Travel but None of My Friends Are Available?

This is where I think a lot of women end up putting their own lives on hold without even realising they're doing it. You have the money, the time and the desire to travel, but you're waiting for somebody else's circumstances to line up with yours.

One friend would love to go but can't get the time off work. Another has a husband who wants to spend their holidays together. Someone else is looking after grandchildren. Another friend says she definitely wants to come, but when it gets anywhere near actually booking something, she can't commit.

There comes a point when you have to ask yourself how long you're prepared to wait.

That doesn't mean the alternative has to be spending three weeks completely alone. Solo travel doesn't have to mean backpacking through Asia with nothing but a rucksack and an impressive ability to read Google Maps. There is a huge middle ground between travelling with friends and being completely on your own, and organised trips, small group experiences and retreats can be a really good way of finding it.

Am I Too Old to Start Travelling Alone?

Absolutely not. If anything, I think our 50s and beyond can be one of the best times to start because we finally know ourselves a little better. We know what we enjoy and what we don't enjoy and, hopefully, we're becoming less concerned with doing things simply because other people think we should. Plus we have a little bit more cash lying around to do the things that makes us feel happy.

I divorced at 50 and could easily have decided that a certain part of my life was over. Instead, the opposite happened. I became more curious about what else I could do. I've learnt new things, travelled to new places and challenged myself physically and mentally in ways I probably wouldn't have imagined when I was younger.

Your first solo trip at 50, 60 or 70 doesn't need to prove anything to anybody. You don't have to become “a solo traveller” and suddenly want to spend months wandering around the world alone. You can simply decide that you are no longer going to miss out on somewhere you want to see because nobody else happens to be free that week.

How Do You Build the Confidence to Travel Alone?

I wouldn't start with the biggest, most intimidating trip you can imagine. Start by making independence feel normal. Go somewhere for a weekend, take yourself out for lunch, stay in a hotel by yourself or choose a destination where the practical things are taken care of. Knowing that somebody is meeting you at the airport, for example, can remove a huge amount of anxiety from that first journey.

Every time you do something independently and realise that you managed it perfectly well, you build evidence that you can do the next thing. That's how confidence grows. You don't need to feel completely confident before you start because if you wait for that magical moment, you may be waiting for years.

What If I'm Worried About Feeling Lonely?

This is the part of solo travel I think we should talk about more because travelling alone and enjoying being alone for an entire holiday are not the same thing.

You may love having your own room, deciding what time you get up and choosing exactly what you want to do during the day, but that doesn't necessarily mean you want to sit alone at dinner every night. You might enjoy exploring during the day and find the evenings difficult. If you've recently been through divorce, bereavement or heartbreak, you may also find that too much time alone gives you an awful lot of time to think when what you really need is some connection.

This is where a retreat can be a really good option for somebody who wants to start travelling independently but doesn't necessarily want a completely solo holiday.

Why Can a Retreat Be a Good Way to Start Travelling Alone?

One of the biggest advantages of going on a retreat is that although you may make the journey independently, you know you're joining other people when you arrive. You're not walking into a hotel on your own wondering whether everybody else is there with their partner or who you're going to speak to at dinner. You have somewhere to be, a structure to your days and, most importantly, people to share the experience with.

For somebody going through divorce, grief or another major life change, there can be another huge benefit: meeting people who are in a similar situation to you.

There's something very different about being around people who understand some of what you're experiencing without you having to explain everything from the beginning. Their circumstances won't be identical to yours, but they understand what it feels like when life hasn't gone according to plan. They understand the loss of confidence, the anxiety about the future and that strange feeling of having to work out who you are again.

That's one of the things I've watched happen repeatedly at Mending Hearts Retreat. People arrive individually, often nervous about walking through the door and wondering whether they'll fit in, and very quickly realise that almost everybody else felt exactly the same before they came. They eat together, talk together, take part in therapy and activities together and explore somewhere new together. You're still doing something incredibly independent by making the decision and travelling there yourself, but you aren't spending the experience alone.

For some people, that becomes the bridge they need. Their first independent trip isn't seven days alone in a hotel; it's travelling alone to somewhere they know they'll be welcomed when they arrive. Once they've done that, the idea of taking another trip independently doesn't feel quite so enormous.

Choosing the Right Retreat for You Is Really Important

I wouldn't tell somebody simply to “book a retreat” because retreats vary enormously and choosing the right one matters. The word 'retreat' now covers everything from yoga and fitness to detoxes, meditation, spirituality, menopause, divorce, grief and general wellness. Some are highly structured, some leave you alone for large parts of the day, some are focused on therapy and others are essentially holidays with a few wellness activities added.

None of those approaches is necessarily better than another; the question is whether it's right for you and what you need at this particular point in your life.

If you're nervous about travelling alone, find out how many guests normally attend and whether most people come alone or with friends. Ask whether you'll have your own room, because having private space can be really important when you're joining a group of strangers. Look at how the days are structured, whether meals are shared, what activities are included and how much free time you'll have. If you're going through divorce, bereavement or significant emotional distress, I'd also want to know who is providing the emotional support and what their professional qualifications are.

Look beyond the beautiful photographs as well. Read testimonials from previous guests, watch videos if they're available and look at the people who actually attend. Do they seem like people you could imagine sitting around a dinner table with? Does the atmosphere feel comfortable to you? If you're unsure, speak to the organiser before booking.

At Mending Hearts Retreat, we deliberately create our retreats for people going through divorce, grief, heartbreak and major life changes. Guests have their own private bedroom and bathroom, professional therapeutic support is at the centre of the retreat, transfers are arranged, meals and activities are organised and there is still time to enjoy the destination. You don't need to persuade a friend to come with you because the whole experience has been designed around people arriving independently.

And perhaps that's the biggest difference. You travel alone, but you don't have to be alone when you get there.

Is Travelling Alone Good After Divorce?

I think travelling after divorce can be about far more than having a holiday. When you've spent years as part of a couple, so much of life is naturally thought about as “we”. Where are we going this year? Where do we want to eat? What do we enjoy doing? What are our plans?

After divorce, having to ask yourself, What do I want? can feel surprisingly unfamiliar.

Travelling gives you opportunities to start answering that question. You choose somewhere because you're interested in it. You try something because you want to try it. You meet people you would never have met if you'd stayed inside the same familiar routine. Little by little, you begin building a life that belongs to you again.

It isn't about proving how independent you are, and it certainly isn't about having to become fearless. I still get frightened of things. I've recently had to work through my own anxiety about going back scuba diving, and that experience reminded me again that being scared doesn't mean you shouldn't do something. Sometimes the things sitting just beyond our comfort zone are the things that give us the biggest sense of achievement afterwards.

So Where Do You Start?

If you're sitting at home thinking, I'd love to travel, but I don't want to go completely alone, don't make your first question “Am I brave enough?”

Ask yourself what would make it feel manageable.

Maybe that's knowing somebody will meet you at the airport. Maybe it's having your own private room but knowing there will be people to have dinner with. Maybe it's joining a small group of people at a similar stage of life. Maybe it's choosing a retreat where the practical details have already been organised and all you have to do is get yourself there.

Your first trip alone doesn't need to be the ultimate test of independence. It just needs to show you that you can do more than you thought you could.

Because if you keep waiting for the perfect time, the perfect travelling companion or the moment when you suddenly feel completely fearless, you could miss an awful lot of life while you're waiting.

And there is far too much of the world left to see for that.

If travelling alone is something you’ve been thinking about, perhaps this is your sign to stop waiting for everyone else’s diary to line up with yours and start looking at what might work for you.

And if a retreat feels like a gentler first step than a completely solo holiday, you can find out more about our upcoming Mending Hearts Retreats here www.mendingheartsretreat.com