HOW TO CHOOSE A DIVORCE & GRIEF RETREAT

When we've finally decided to take that plunge into the uncertainty and out of our comfortable warm bubble of self-pity. Make sure that when choosing a retreat, you do the necessary research, and I mean RESEARCH! It's like a minefield out there with so many options, and they're becoming more and more popular as the statistics on divorce rise. So let's go through the stages from when you first see that social media post or Google ad pop up. As with any retreat or doing anything new, it can increase one's anxiety. One of the most common concerns is, 'What if I don't like the people?' What if it doesn't work? It costs too much? I don't think I can go away for so long; I've got to be around for the grandkids. I've been away too much already this year. It's too far. I'll wait for my divorce to come through first. So let's start with the first one. Choosing the type of retreat is very important; if you are going through trauma and you opt for a yoga retreat, you might not feel connected with the other attendees. Yoga retreats are targeting those looking to be fit and healthy.

The bottom line is although Yoga is very good for the mind and body, when you're going through trauma from divorce or bereavement, we need more than downward dog and warrior pose. Very different to a divorce and grief retreat where you are surrounded by like-minded people that are going through the same emotions as you. Grief, despair, loneliness, fear and anxiety about what the future holds for you. Believe it or not, we need to be around this because, by talking, it acts like a form of therapy. We have to be able to share our feelings and emotions. Being thrown into a retreat locked up with a bunch of people that you have never met before for 6 days can be quite daunting; therefore, it's important to keep an open mind. Will it work? This depends on your expectations. Ask yourself, what is it that you want to take from this? How do you want to feel? How much are you willing to invest? A divorce retreat that is less than three days isn’t going to work as well for you as a retreat that gives you six. The more time you have, and the more support you receive, the more it works in your favour.

If you think about it, many people are already spending over £100 a week on counselling. Over the course of a year, that adds up to thousands and while it’s valuable, it’s a slower process. A retreat gives you the space to step away from everything and focus on yourself fully, without the distractions of everyday life.

Now let’s look at cost, and how much you value your wellbeing.

Look at what the retreat is offering and ask what the schedule is. Is there therapy included? Is it based purely on talks? What activities are there? With most yoga retreats, you’ll typically have a session in the morning and another in the evening. That type of schedule doesn’t always work for people going through divorce or grief. There needs to be enough structure to support you, but not so much that you don’t have time to yourself.

Although you’re booking a divorce or grief retreat, we all need a bit of fun to take the edge off and feel like ourselves again, so make sure there are activities that allow for that. It's also good to find out more about the organiser. Have they gone through a similar ordeal? If they haven't experienced divorce or lost a loved one, how will they connect with you? If there is only a couple of things going on during the day, are they really doing it out of love or for profit? We all want to make money, but with this type of retreat we're in the business of mending broken hearts, and that requires some work and some really good planning to make sure there's enough going on so that people don't feel they're sitting around too much and getting caught up with their thoughts. Now let's get down to the price and what you feel would be affordable. To put on a retreat costs a lot of money. There's the venue to consider, the chef and quality of food, facilitator costs, travel, activities, and contingency. Snacks, soft drinks, and sometimes alcohol may also be included. Plus requests that have been sprung upon you.

What you’ll often find is that if a retreat is priced lower, you’ll likely be sharing a room and bathroom. You may also find that many healing retreats upsell once you’re there.

That glass of wine you’ve been craving can set you back £10 a glass or £40 a bottle. And if you need a one-to-one session with a therapist or coach, that could easily cost over £150 an hour. Add that up over the course of a week, and it doesn’t seem so affordable after all.

This is a typical retreat model, the real cost often comes from the upselling once you arrive.

Then there’s transport. Does the venue include return transfers from the airport or station? Often, that’s another add-on.

Think about how you’re going to feel on the day you travel. Your anxiety levels may already be high, and the last thing you need is to arrive in a new country and not know what to do next or worry about being overcharged for a taxi. By the time you've reached the retreat all you want to do is turn back home.

Let's talk about location, location, location. There's nothing better than lying on a sun lounger having just had a massage with the sun shining down, digesting a beautiful lunch. It's a known fact sunshine increases your serotonin, which helps reduce anxiety and improves your mood. You've also just lost your best friend and travel partner. Your friends are busy with their lives, and you're suddenly left to travel on your own. Choose a place with sunshine, somewhere new that feels like a holiday, and make the most of it.

Do your diligence when planning your trip. If you have reached this point in your life, I'm guessing you're at the young age of 45+ and have put all your golden young years into your spouse and kids and putting yourself last. The spouse is no longer around and the kids have grown up, so ask yourself, what is stopping you from making this decision? You have been thrown into the situation, and now it's time for you to get back up and start investing in yourself. What do you actually want — and what is your mental health and future worth to you? How soon do you want to move forward? You've lost a lot of friends over the years, and now you've got an opportunity staring at you to make new friends, get away from it all and start a new chapter. Give yourself a budget and write out a list of dos and dont's when choosing your divorce retreat, and make sure it ticks off all the boxes.

It might not just be about where you go next, but Marrakech isn’t a bad place to start.

Keep putting your healing off, or give yourself something to look forward to, it’s your choice. If cost is the only thing holding you back, get in touch and ask about our payment plans. Remember, we're here to help. info@mendingheartsretreat.com

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