Wellness Retreat or Healing Retreat? How Do You Know Which One You Actually Need?

There are so many retreats out there now that I'm not surprised people don't know which one to choose. Wellness retreats, luxury wellness retreats, healing retreats, life reset retreats, burnout retreats, yoga retreats, grief retreats and divorce retreats. Most of them look fabulous too. Beautiful swimming pools, white robes, healthy food, yoga overlooking the sea and usually someone holding a singing bowl somewhere in the distance. I'd happily go to one myself.

But before choosing a retreat, I think there's a much more important question to ask than where it is or how beautiful the hotel looks: what do you actually need the retreat to do for you?

Because if you're exhausted, stressed and desperately need to switch off, a luxury wellness retreat might be exactly what you need. But if your marriage has ended, somebody you love has died, you've completely lost your confidence, you're burnt out from looking after everybody else or you've reached a stage in your life where you simply don't know what comes next, I'm not convinced a massage and a week of yoga are necessarily going to get to the bottom of it.

And that, for me, is where understanding the difference between a wellness retreat and a healing retreat becomes important.

What's the difference between a wellness retreat and a healing retreat?

I think the easiest way to work out the difference is to ask yourself why you're going in the first place. If you're shattered, you've been working too hard, you haven't slept properly for months and you'd quite like somebody else to cook for you while you lie beside a pool, fantastic. Book yourself a wellness retreat.

There are some incredible luxury wellness retreats around the world and they serve a very real purpose. They give you time to concentrate on yourself, your sleep, nutrition, fitness, yoga, meditation and stress levels while giving your body and brain a much-needed break from normal life. Sometimes that's exactly what you need.

But sometimes you don't need a break from your life. You need help dealing with what's happened in it.

That's different.

A healing retreat tends to go deeper. Rather than concentrating mainly on physical wellbeing and relaxation, it should give you the opportunity to look at what has happened, why you're struggling and what you might need in order to move forward.

There can obviously be a crossover between the two. In fact, I think some of the best retreats combine both. You can want professional emotional support and still want yoga, beautiful surroundings, fabulous food, a swimming pool and somewhere luxurious to sleep at night.

Healing doesn't have to mean removing all the lovely bits.

What is a healing retreat?

This is where I think the word healing gets thrown around far too easily. Put a candle in a room, add a meditation session and suddenly we're healing. I'm being slightly flippant, but you get my point.

If you're going through something significant emotionally, I'd want to know exactly who is helping me with it. Are they a qualified psychotherapist or counsellor? Are they a life coach? Are they a wellness practitioner? What are their qualifications and, more importantly, what happens when somebody starts talking about something genuinely painful?

If I'm opening up about the collapse of a 25-year marriage, losing somebody I love or the fact that I no longer recognise myself, I'd personally want somebody properly qualified sitting in that room.

That's one of the reasons I created Mending Hearts the way I did. I've been through divorce myself and I know what it's like when the life you thought you were going to have suddenly isn't the life you're living anymore. I also know that being told to think positively isn't always terribly helpful when your entire life has just been turned upside down.

Is a burnout retreat the same as a wellness retreat?

Burnout is another reason people start looking for retreats and, again, I'd ask yourself what you're actually trying to recover from.

If you're physically and mentally exhausted from work, stress or simply doing too much for too long, a burnout retreat or wellness retreat focused on sleep, nutrition, relaxation, exercise and reducing stress could be exactly what you need.

But sometimes what we're calling burnout is actually something bigger.

Perhaps you've spent years looking after everybody else and putting yourself last. Maybe you've gone through a divorce, lost somebody, experienced a huge change in your life or reached a stage where you've suddenly realised you don't really know what makes you happy anymore.

You might not just be tired. You might be emotionally exhausted.

If that's the case, I'd look beyond whether a retreat promises better sleep and less stress and ask whether a healing retreat or life reset retreat offering professional emotional support might actually be more useful.

What is a life reset retreat?

I actually quite like the term life reset retreat because not everybody looking for a retreat has experienced a recent divorce or bereavement. Sometimes nothing dramatic has happened at all. You've simply reached a point where you know something needs to change.

Perhaps your children have grown up and don't need you in the same way anymore. Maybe your career has changed, your relationship isn't what it once was or you've spent decades being somebody's wife, mother, partner or carer and somewhere along the way you've forgotten what you actually like.

You can have a perfectly good life on paper and still find yourself thinking, Is this really how I want the next ten or twenty years of my life to look?

A good life reset retreat should give you more than a lovely break from reality. It should give you the space to look at where you are now, what's no longer working for you and what you'd like to be different when you go home.

You don't have to wait for your life to fall apart before you're allowed to change it.

What is a divorce retreat and how is it different from a wellness retreat?

A divorce retreat is specifically designed for people dealing with separation, divorce, heartbreak and the emotional fallout that can continue long after a relationship has ended.

This is something I wish more people understood because divorce isn't simply the loss of a marriage. You can lose your home, your friendship circle can change, your finances can change, your family dynamics change and your confidence can disappear. Perhaps the biggest loss of all is the future you thought you were going to have.

You can experience all of that even when you wanted the divorce, even when you know you're better off without that person and even when the relationship ended years ago. It doesn't mean you're still in love with your ex. It means something enormous happened to your life and you may never have properly dealt with it.

That's why a divorce retreat and a general wellness retreat aren't necessarily trying to achieve the same thing. Yoga may make you feel calmer. A massage may make you feel fabulous. A beautiful week away may give you the breathing space you desperately need. All of those things have value, but they don't automatically help you understand why you've lost your confidence, why you're struggling to move forward or why you're still carrying something from a relationship that ended years ago.

If you're comparing divorce retreats, I'd look beyond the destination. Find out who is providing the emotional support, whether qualified therapy is included, how large the group is and what the retreat is actually designed to help you with.

What is a grief retreat and who is it for?

A grief retreat is designed for people dealing with bereavement, loss or a significant change in their lives who want time away from everyday life with appropriate emotional support.

A wellness retreat can absolutely help when you're grieving. Sometimes after loss you're completely exhausted and a week of being looked after is exactly what your body needs. There is nothing wrong with wanting to escape somewhere beautiful, sleep, eat well and have somebody take care of you for a change.

But grief doesn't disappear because you've had a massage.

If what you need is rest, choose somewhere brilliant at helping you rest. If what you need is professional support with your grief, choose a grief retreat or healing retreat specifically equipped to provide that support.

The same principle applies here as it does with divorce retreats. Don't be afraid to ask who will actually be supporting you. If you're going somewhere specifically because you're grieving, you should know what experience and qualifications the people working with you have.

What if I don't want to spend a week talking about my problems?

Neither would I. I wouldn't want to spend six days sitting in a circle talking about my divorce from breakfast until bedtime. That's not my idea of healing and it's certainly not my idea of a retreat.

I believe there has to be life in it as well. Yes, let's do the therapy. Let's talk about what's happened, understand why you're stuck and look at what might be holding you back. Then let's go out for dinner. Let's do yoga, explore somewhere new, lie beside the pool, eat fabulous food, laugh and have a glass of wine if you fancy one.

Because surely part of rebuilding your life is remembering that you're allowed to enjoy it?

That's the part I think traditional ideas about healing sometimes miss. Healing doesn't have to mean being sad for six days. Learning to enjoy yourself again can be part of it too.

Can a healing retreat still be a luxury wellness experience?

Absolutely, and I think this is where the retreat market is changing.

People shouldn't necessarily have to choose between a luxury wellness retreat and getting proper emotional support. Why can't you have both?

Luxury gets dismissed sometimes as though it's somehow superficial when you're dealing with something emotional, and I completely disagree. If you've been through one of the hardest periods of your life, why shouldn't you be somewhere beautiful? Why shouldn't you have your own bedroom and bathroom? Why shouldn't somebody cook fabulous food for you? Why shouldn't your transfers be organised, your day taken care of and everything made as easy as possible?

When you're emotionally exhausted, the last thing you need is to arrive somewhere and discover you're sharing a bedroom with Brenda from Birmingham and fighting over who gets the shower first. No thank you.

For me, luxury in a healing retreat isn't about showing off. It's about being looked after. It's about creating an environment where you don't have to worry about everything else for a few days and can concentrate entirely on yourself.

Are luxury wellness retreats and healing retreats worth the money?

Don't just look at the price. Look at what you're actually getting.

I think we've become obsessed with asking "How much is it?" before asking "What am I actually getting for it?" Those are very different questions.

Look at who is delivering the therapy or wellness programme, how much professional support is included, whether you'll have your own room, how many people are attending, whether meals and transfers are included, what experiences are part of the programme and whether there is any support afterwards.

Most importantly, ask yourself what the retreat is actually designed to change.

A cheaper retreat that doesn't give you what you need isn't necessarily good value. A more expensive luxury retreat that genuinely helps change the direction you're travelling in may look very different when you look back at the decision six months later.

How do I know which type of retreat is right for me?

I'd forget the terminology for a minute. Forget wellness, healing, burnout, resetting, detoxing, transforming and every other lovely word the retreat industry likes using. Sit down and ask yourself why you're looking for a retreat in the first place.

If you're absolutely exhausted and desperately need a break, look at luxury wellness retreats or burnout retreats. If you've been through something significant and don't seem to be moving forward, I'd look at healing retreats with genuine professional support. If you've reached a crossroads in your life and want to work out what comes next, a life reset retreat may be closer to what you're looking for.

If your relationship has ended and you feel as though you've completely lost yourself, look at divorce retreats specialising in separation, heartbreak and emotional recovery. If you're grieving and nobody around you seems to understand why you're still struggling, look for a professionally supported grief retreat.

There isn't one retreat that's right for everybody, and there shouldn't be.

What should I ask before booking a wellness, healing or life reset retreat?

Ask questions, and don't just ask what's on the menu or whether there's a spa. Find out who runs the retreat, who provides the emotional support and what qualifications they have. Ask how big the group is, whether you'll have your own room, what a normal day actually looks like and how much time you'll have to yourself.

I'd also want to know exactly what's included in the price and what you'll suddenly discover costs another £500 once you arrive. If emotional healing is part of what they're promising, ask them exactly how they're going to help you achieve it.

A beautiful location is wonderful, but a beautiful location isn't a treatment plan.

Can I go to a wellness or healing retreat on my own?

Absolutely, and actually I think there's something rather fabulous about doing it on your own.

Most people worry about this far more before they arrive than they need to. You imagine everybody else arriving with a best friend while you're standing there wondering who you're going to sit next to at dinner. When a retreat is designed for people arriving individually, everyone starts in exactly the same position.

Nobody knows you. Nobody knows your ex or your history. Nobody knows the version of you that existed ten years ago and nobody has already decided what you should do next. There's something incredibly freeing about that.

So, should I choose a wellness retreat, healing retreat or life reset retreat?

None of them is better. They're simply designed to do different things, and there will always be some crossover between them.

A wellness retreat can give you the opportunity to stop, rest and start taking care of yourself again. A burnout retreat may help you recover physically and mentally from prolonged stress. A life reset retreat can give you the space to work out what you want next, while specialist divorce retreats and grief retreats can provide support around a particular loss or life change.

A good healing retreat goes deeper and helps you understand why you haven't been feeling like yourself and what you want to do about it.

Sometimes you need a bit of both, and that's exactly why I don't believe emotional healing has to take place somewhere clinical or miserable. You can have professional psychotherapy and yoga. You can do serious emotional work while staying somewhere luxurious. You can have a difficult conversation in the morning and be laughing over dinner that evening. One doesn't cancel out the other.

That's the balance we've deliberately created at Mending Hearts Retreat. Our luxury healing retreats are for people navigating divorce, separation, heartbreak, grief and significant life changes who want professional support without feeling as though they've checked themselves into six days of therapy. We combine qualified psychotherapy and small groups with yoga, beautiful accommodation, fabulous food, time to yourself and experiences that remind you there's still an awful lot of life waiting for you.

I'm an empty nester and I feel stuck and lost — would a retreat help?

This is something I think far more people experience than they admit. You've spent years with your life revolving around children, school runs, family holidays, meals, appointments and generally being needed by somebody every five minutes. Then suddenly they've grown up, they're getting on with their own lives and everyone tells you that you should be enjoying all this lovely freedom.

Except sometimes it doesn't feel like freedom. It feels like you've lost your purpose.

You can love seeing your children become independent and still struggle with what that means for you. The two things can exist at the same time. After years of being Mum or Dad first, it can be surprisingly difficult to remember who you were before everybody needed you and, more importantly, who you want to be now.

This is where a life reset retreat or healing retreat can be very different from simply booking yourself a holiday. A holiday gives you somewhere different to be for a week. The right retreat can give you the space to start asking yourself what you actually want from this next stage of your life.

You might want to travel more, make new friends, change career, start dating again, take up something you've always wanted to do or simply become comfortable putting yourself first for a change. You don't need to have all those answers before you go. That's rather the point.

Being an empty nester doesn't mean the interesting part of your life has finished. It might actually be the first time in years that you've had the freedom to decide what you want the next part to look like.

And if you're feeling stuck and lost right now, perhaps you don't need to have your entire future worked out. You just need somewhere to start.

I'm scared to travel on my own — can I still go on a retreat?

This is probably one of the biggest things that stops people from booking a retreat, particularly if they've never travelled alone before. The thought of getting on a plane by yourself, arriving in a country you don't know and walking into a retreat where you've never met anyone can feel like a very big deal.

I completely understand that. But travelling alone to a retreat is very different from going on holiday alone. You're not arriving at a hotel and then wondering what on earth you're going to do with yourself for the next six days. You're travelling independently, but once you arrive you're joining a group of people who have done exactly the same thing.

That's also why I think the little details matter. At Mending Hearts, we arrange private airport transfers so you're not landing somewhere unfamiliar and having to work out taxis or directions on your own. From the moment you arrive, everything is organised for you, and very quickly the thing you were most nervous about becomes the thing you're most proud of yourself for doing.

I've seen this happen time and time again. Someone arrives saying, "I can't believe I've actually done this on my own," and a few days later they're already talking about where they might travel next.

Sometimes getting on that plane is the first little sign that you're not quite as stuck as you thought you were.

And that's really what choosing the right retreat comes down to. I'll happily tell somebody when I don't think Mending Hearts is right for them, because choosing a retreat shouldn't start with "Which one looks nicest?" or even "Which one is cheapest?" It should start with one question:

What do I want to be different when I come home?

Work that out first. Then choose the retreat that's going to help you get there.

If what you've read here sounds like the kind of support you're looking for, you can find out more about Mending Hearts Retreat, our upcoming luxury healing retreats and exactly what's included on our website.

Explore Mending Hearts Retreat and find the retreat that's right for you.

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