The hardest boundaries to set are usually with family.

I spend so much time telling other people to put boundaries in place, and then recently I realised I wasn’t even doing it myself.

I think as mothers especially, we get so used to being needed that after a while it almost becomes part of who we are. We fix problems, calm people down and carry everyone else’s emotions whilst quietly ignoring our own. Before you know it, you feel emotionally exhausted and you can’t work out why your own anxiety is through the roof.

I really noticed it whilst I was in Chiang Mai hosting the second part of my retreat experience. I was managing guests, sorting logistics, making sure everyone was okay and trying to hold space for a whole group of people. At the same time, my daughter was constantly calling me, needing reassurance over every small decision because she doesn’t trust herself enough to make them alone. I actually found myself searching Rightmove for properties for her whilst I was in the middle of hosting a retreat.

Then there were the daily 6am calls from my son. Don’t get me wrong, it comes from love and routine, but after a while I realised I hadn’t even had the chance to wake up properly or enjoy a peaceful coffee before stepping straight into somebody else’s needs.

What really hit me was that nobody had stopped to ask how I was doing. Everything around me started feeling emotionally loud. Everybody needed something. Everybody was anxious. Everybody was overwhelmed. Meanwhile, I was trying to manage my own anxiety at the same time whilst also running retreats and taking care of everybody else around me.

So I finally did something that felt uncomfortable at first. I told them both not to contact me for four days whilst I switched off and decompressed in paradise. No calls, no stress and no emotional overload for a few days, just myself, my new husband and a couple of coconuts.

And guess what? The world didn’t fall apart the way she convinced herself it would. And in fact, it was probably the most rested I’d felt in years. I meditated, slept properly and finally allowed my mind to slow down for once. It made me realise how much constant emotional responsibility I’d been carrying without even noticing it.

That’s the thing I’ve learned about boundaries. They aren’t cruel and they aren’t selfish either. Sometimes they are necessary. If you spend your whole life emotionally available to everybody else, eventually there’s nothing left of you.

I think living in Koh Samui has changed my mindset massively as well. Life feels calmer here. Less reactive and less chaotic. There’s something about being surrounded by nature, the ocean and a slower pace of life that changes your nervous system over time. My head feels clearer here, which is probably why I feel more inspired creatively with Mending Hearts Retreat too because my own mind finally has room to breathe.

I also did a couple of Buddhist meditation retreats not so long ago, and I genuinely think it changed something in me. Being around monks and people who live with simplicity, kindness and generosity makes you look at life differently. One thing that really stayed with me was learning about attachment and how much suffering comes from holding onto things that drain us or keep us stuck.

Sometimes it’s old arguments. Sometimes it’s resentment, toxic relationships or constantly trying to save people who don’t even want to save themselves. Sometimes it’s simply the need to always be available because you feel guilty saying no.

I’ve also become much more aware of the type of energy I allow around me these days. As you get older, you realise not everyone wants peace. Some people feel more comfortable playing the victim, living in negativity, conflict and chaos, and if you’re around that energy long enough, it slowly starts affecting your own well-being too.

I even had to block my own mother and sister at one point, which is something I never imagined doing. But there comes a stage where protecting your own sanity becomes more important than trying to keep everybody else happy all the time.

That doesn’t mean you stop loving people. It just means you finally start loving yourself enough to stop drowning with them.

Strangely enough, since putting better boundaries in place, my relationships have actually become healthier and less anxious, and my mind feels far more creative. I now have more time and energy to do what I love, which is to help others improve their wellbeing and happiness because, after all, isn’t that what life is really about?

People learn to respect your space more, and you stop reacting emotionally to everything around you. You start recognising what’s important and what simply isn’t worth carrying anymore.

I think that’s what peace really is. It’s not having a perfect life. It’s learning what deserves your energy and what no longer does.

I’ve also recently started reading a really interesting book called The War of Art by Steven Pressfield, and it explains so much of what I’ve been talking about here. The unhealthy patterns, emotional resistance and the ways we keep ourselves stuck without even realising it.

I share more of my life in Thailand, personal reflections, healing journeys and moments from Mending Hearts Retreat over on Instagram. https://www.instagram.com/mendingheartsretreat/

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